Monastic Mumblings, a Friar's Journey

Lighten up! :)

Theological Terms from the Esoteric Dictionary of Quasi-Spiritual Mistaken Knowledge

By Randall F. West
Issue #188, July/August 2003

Trini-tini-tarianism – Belief in a miniscule but three-personed God.

Exebegesis – Textual interpretation that results in scaring the pants off you.

Septuasquint – Vision deficit resulting from intense study of small-print version of the Septuagint.

Codex Sinusitis – Historically important New Testament manuscript that makes you sneeze.

Hypocrypha – extra-canonical documents that pretend to be part of the apocrypha but aren’t.

Apocalips – The intensely pursed expression of readers of Left Behind books.

Tell-e-all-ogy – The theological justification for sleazy unauthorized biographies.

Penetetouche´ – A crushing rejoinder to arguments that Moses did not write the Penteteuch.

More-pheology Theology – The study of the slippery changes of the prosperity doctrine.

Trylemma – The crisis of conscience experienced by agnostics who try to respond to C.S. Lewis’ “Lord, liar or lunatic” argument.

Eh-scatology – Ho-hum exposition of the end times.

Decalogue – A dialogue between ten people. Often unsuccessfully attempted in Episcopal and Presbyterian communities. (Not related to the Ten Commandments, unless to debunk them.)

Christodgily – Dry, academic discussion of the various manifestations of Christ.

Form Criticism – What liberal theologians engage in when they go on Spring Break.

Intarnation – Ontological epithet often inserted into the sentence “What…are you doing?”

Propitchiation – A testimony of faith given by professional baseball players.

Par-wooz-sia – State of mental fuzziness induced by overlong fasting while reading the book of Revelation.

Par-ooz-sia – A divine appearance bringing about the end of the world in a slow, icky way.

Par-oops-sia – Heresy propounded by some writers who forgot where to look for the book of the Revelation.

KerygMama – A dynamic woman preacher (see also: Franklin, Aretha).

Kantikle of Kanticles – Seldom-sung love song based on Immanuel Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason.

Synaptic Gospels – Fast paced cyber-version of the Gospels edited by Keanu Reeves and the cast of The Matrix. Features amazing special effects, including the Apostle Paul evangelizing faster than humanly possible.

Dyslexic Gospels – Version that only makes sense read backwards.

Pteredactor – A theological dinosaur known for biting large holes in the text.

Feast of All Saints and Blessed of the Society of Jesus

As I have been learning and participating in Ignatian Spirituality, I have gained a new understanding of, and respect for the Society of Jesus, also known as the Jesuits.

Today the Society of Jesus calls to mind all those brothers who are already in the nearer Presence of God, especially those declared Saint or Blessed.

My friend, John Brown SJ asked me to link to this large crowd of martyrs, and holy men, who heroically worked for God in so many countries at different times and under many different circumstances of climate, language, culture, with one sole purpose to spread the kingdom of God for His greater glory.

So take a look and see what the Jesuits are doing and have done, and today's Gospel seems very appropriate.

Matthew 5

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
"Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
"Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Seasons turning

Once again, the seasons are changing.  The leaves on the trees are growing colorful and the flowers that once where so lovely have become brown.  The longest Season of the Church’s Year is drawing towards its end, with the  Feast of the Faithful Departed, we look to the contemplation and the end of all things. 

But the Church year continues on, and doesn't end there, next we will look forward to the glories of the Lord’s Second Coming.   As we contemplate this, we will enter Advent, the Season during which we consider the Lord’s First Coming in the flesh and look for a deeper understanding of His Second Coming in our daily lives as well as at the end of time.

Time marches on, and as a tired world complains of Christmas shopping, let us remember, how and why we travel this road with Christ at all.

All Souls' Day 2 November

For all the Faithful Departed, in peace let us pray to the Lord.

Almighty God, Who has knit together Your elect in one communion and fellowship, in the mystical body of Your Son Christ our Lord: Grant to Your whole Church in paradise and on earth, Your light and Your peace.

Grant that all those who have been baptized into Christ's death and resurrection may die to sin and rise to newness of life, and that through the grave and gate of death we may pass with Him to our joyful resurrection.

Grant to us who are still in our pilgrimage, and who walk as yet by faith, that Your Holy Spirit may lead us in holiness and righteousness all our days.

Grant to Your faithful people pardon and peace, that we may be cleansed from all our sins, and serve You with a quiet mind.

Grant to all who mourn a sure confidence in Your fatherly care, that, casting all their grief upon You, they may know the consolation of Your love.

Give courage and faith to those who are bereaved, that they may have strength to meet the days ahead in the comfort of a reasonable and holy hope, in the joyful expectation of eternal life with those they love.

Help us, in the midst of things we cannot understand, to believe and trust in the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, and the resurrection to life everlasting.

Grant us, with all who have died in the hope of the resurrection, to have our consummation and bliss in Your eternal and everlasting glory, and, with all Your saints, to receive the crown of life which You promise to all who share in the victory of Your Son Jesus Christ; Who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.

O God,
the Maker and Redeemer of all believers: Grant to the faithful departed the unsearchable benefits of the passion of Your Son; that on the day of His appearing they may be manifested as Your children; through Jesus Christ our Lord, Who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and ever. Amen